International Women's Day

I love International Women's Day greatly, I love being given a specific day to stop being busy and distracted and tell the woman, non binary folk and gender queer folk in my life how valuable they are. I love reading the stories of what makes people feel empowered and I love seeing celebrities and people in the public eye amplify marginalised voices (although not many people in the position to do this do it) so I wanted to write a post today to talk about what empowers me, who empowers me and why. I also wanted to take the time to remind everyone that Women's Day isn't just for straight, white, cis gender, middle class, thin, able bodied women; it's also for fat people, poor people, disabled people, people of colour, trans people, none binary people, gender queer people, people of faith, gay people, bisexual people, pansexual people and people who are still trying to figure shit out. It also feels like a really important day to shout about a woman not being defined by a vulva; not all women have vulvas and not all people with vulvas are women. Inclusivity always.

Who empowers me?

Let's start at the beginning, the first woman to make me feel empowered, the first woman to tell me how valuable I am. My momma.

My mum gave me the strength and confidence to stand up for my rights and she reminded me whenever I forgot ( and reminded me, and reminded me, and reminded me). My mum raised me to believe I was capable of anything, she raised me to be my own role model, to hold myself accountable for my shit and to always apologise when I was wrong and then forgive myself. I've spent so much of my life beating myself up for choices I've made, people I've chosen, scenarios I've found myself and scenarios I've created and my mum's voice always finds its way into my mind reminding me that the kindness and compassion I show others is definitely something I should be showing myself. She filled our home with love, strength, compassion, kindness, resilience, music and books.

She shaped me with kindness, firmness and unwavering love. She always offered a hand to help me up but reminded me that although it's there for me to take, I can get back up myself just fine to. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself, she soothed every pain I ever encountered; not just the superficial scraped knees and stubbed toes, the deep stuff that keeps you awake now, the things that hurt so much that you feel your heart ache so much that you're not sure it will ever work properly again. She soothed them. She always soothes them. My mum has always taught me my gender or sexuality will not define me and if someone tries to make it well simply put, fuck them. So here's a shout of love for the most influential, empowering, powerhouse of a woman I've ever had the pleasure to know; let alone love. Thank you for teaching me to be unapologetically me by being unapologetically you; you're important mum, you matter and you've changed the world. I'll love you eternally and unwaveringly not because you're my mum and I have to but because you've earned it, you deserve it and you're so valued.

I have three beautiful daughters, Sally-Ann is ten , Taylor Luna is two and Spencer-Raine is nine months. These three intelligent, compassionate and inclusive humans have empowered me more than I'll ever be able to put into words. They're my Raison D'etre. They've taught me so much about myself, so much about love, about innocence and about happiness. They've taught me about how negativity and self loathing can really be conditioned into a person and they've made me want to undo that.

My middle daughter, Taylor, she gets these spots on her arms, like super mild eczema and she's quite prone to getting little toddler breakouts on her face, when day she saw them and she asked me what they were, I told her they were spots, I told her I loved her spots and they were so cute I wish I had them too. Everytime I get a spot now my three year old excitedly proclaims "oh mummy look at that spot, you look so cute don't you, I have some like that look" and she'll show me hers. I used to hate getting spots. They made me feel ugly, I told her they were cute so she wouldn't feel that way, what actually happened in the end was she's told me that so much that I don't feel that way. This same three year old comes up to me whenever she gets a glimpse of my stomach and you know what she says? She says oh mummy I love your tummy it's so pretty, she tells me how pretty my stretch marks are and talks about the different colours there are among the new and old stretch marks, she talks about my C-section scar and everytime asks "when Spencer was in your tummy that's where the doctor took her out and nannie brought me to the hospital to see you isn't it?". My three year old has single handedly taught me that the parts of my body I see negatively aren't negative, my perception is. 

My eldest daughter, Sally-Ann, has taught me a lot about strength, and I don't mean superficial how much can I bench press strength, I mean how many times am I gonna get the fuck back up and try again strength. This girl faced a lot in her ten years of life, a lot of what she's experienced isn't my story to publish online so I shan't; but what I can tell you is she has faced unkindness, people who have tried to squash her uniqueness and kindness; people who've tried to make her lose herself, people who've pressured her to change to fit their opinion of who she should be and do you know what my strong and resilient powerhouse of a daughter has done? She's stayed authentic. She's stayed true to herself. She still prefers books to people, she still shows kindness and compassion to people who have never earned that from her, she shows forgiveness to people who don't deserve it and she's taught me that staying kind, staying compassionate, that's how you win. If you harden yourself, if you become cold then the people who have driven you there have taken a piece of you they don't deserve to have and that nobody is worth losing your warmth. She's taught me that if someone doesn't like who she is then that's their problem to adapt to not hers. So you know what, now when someone has a problem with who I am, I summon the strength, intelligence and influence of my ten year old and I know that that's their problem go adapt to not mine. 

My Spencer, my sweet, innocent nine month old baby. My girl you have taught me a lot. Spencer has taught me love in its most basic form, she's taught me that everything will be ok, even in the middle of the night, even when I'm crying, always. She just loves me no matter what, no matter how I look, no matter what I've achieved; she just really, really loves me. She makes me feel good enough. I'm so grateful for that. The connection we have is indescribable. Spencer has also taught me about patience, understanding and resilience. We're nine months into our breastfeeding journey now and the resilience and determination she's taught me is what has gotten us here. She's taught me to be patient when she's struggling to latch, she's teething or shes cluster feeding, she's patient with me and I'm struggling and I'm patient with her.

The fifth person I want to talk about how empowers me does so because she's strong, resilient, fierce, passionate, vocal and brave. She's faced domestic violence, rape, motherhood, cheating, mental illness, cancer scares and much more but she's still here, still fighting, still kind, still compassionate, still funny and still trying to be the best version of herself. Who is it? You guessed it, it's me. I empower myself. I'm so proud of who I am, what I've overcome and who I'm trying to be. Each day I learn to be more inclusive, each day I keep going, each day I summon strength I didn't know I had and that's pretty fucking rad. I'm proud of me.